A dozen thoughts rumble in my head, one of them quoting Manny’s dad from Modern Family: “Everything is more interesting after 2 AM. The night belongs to the poets and the mad men.” So, a) my being wide awake at 1:44 AM can make me assume there’s a sleeping dragon of a poet within me, b) let’s debunk/discover after-2 AM by staying up later than 2 AM, or c) none of the above; this insomnia is just the result of an allergy attack.
D. All of the above. Let’s get these over with fast and furious.
1) Blogging has deprived me of one beautiful deviation: writing. AS IN writing with my heart on my sleeve, writing free-fall, writing on crisp paper with a sharp-point pen, writing in, on and with my mind, writing without being affected by a new reaction to a stimulus which oddly corresponds to INSTANT PUBLISHING — which I believe robs you of your saccharine excitement for clipping your copies, filing them in a folder, and timing everything so that you’ll see your work printed on the newspaper or in a magazine or book before you turn 25, or before you die.
But what you get today is the hype of the ‘Hit Publish’ — you scramble for words to create pieces that are yet to serve a purpose. There’s the excitement, always the anticipation of pressing the Publish button, only to realize that one day you’re no longer making Nick Joaquin (perhaps in heaven), or whoever your hero is, PROUD. Next thing you know you’re screaming for life, lost in a sea of useless thoughts. So think about it.
*This is self-talk*
2) Kids. I love kids. It’s safe to say that I know my way around them. I know how to catch their attention. I played teacher as a kid; I learned teaching kids before I could really write a good essay. My favorites were the little Koreans, my kids from church — and that’s several groups in all — and the ones I babysat or tutored. It’s not safe to assume though that I want to have my own now because 1) I don’t believe in another immaculate conception and 2) I haven’t really thought about it.;p
3) The night ended great. I got a Lois Lowry book I read about some time ago, and a bag I really wished for to have. My mom called through the phone and I wasn’t my crying and complaining bitchy self anymore to her — and when you’re not 1) crying, 2) complaining, and 3) bitchy, you sometimes find a force stronger than you that wants to make the soul from the other line happy, encouraged, or relieved.
4) My friends have been their great selves tonight — so thank you for the company. We’ve been to hell and back. Papakape na ang magpapakape.
5) I love the Philippines. With what happened to Corona and all that shiz, I don’t remember a time when governance was deemed great in this land. But somebody said our country is young; let’s give it a time. Now I’m thinking of how my part can be done — PHILIPPINES, LET ME HELP YOU. I’ll find out how.
#s 6-12 are now resting in peace.
