Daenerys Stormborn and damning the odds

First season, tenth episode. The reel is my memory. I remember flaming torches that could rival the number of those lit in all Survivor versions, forming a ring in the middle of the desert as in a sacrificial rite. The Dothraki and Ser Jorah Mormont behind. Daenerys– widowed, lost a child, lost a brother, having a handful of Dothraki slaves for warriors, barely eighteen but burdened by longing for home, no family, no iron throne, no kingdom to return to to begin with– stood in between facing the fire, ready to be consumed by it.

We first saw Daenerys in Magister Illyrio’s grand mansion in the Free City of Pentos. That’s as far as we can get from King’s Landing, the capital of Westeros. She and her big brother Viserys, the self-proclaimed last dragon and true heir of the iron throne, were living off the magister’s kindness and hospitality, which were actual investments into favors that can be claimed when ripe from the ‘future and one true king’. Now Viserys needed an army to reclaim King’s Landing from Robert Baratheon, so he was marrying his sister off to Khal Drogo, a Dothraki lord who was known for being undefeated in battles and who would be his provider of a strong khalasar (army): I’d let his whole khalasar fuck you if need be, sweet sister, all forty thousand men, and their horses too if that’s what it took to get my army.

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Dany, as she was also called, followed suit because she did not want to awaken the dragon in her brother. She bedded with Drogo, spoke with her handmaidens to master the Dothraki tongue, learned ways to pleasure her husband with lessons from them, learned to love him, too, sure enough to carry his son in her womb. Tall orders for a little princess. Or not. Because a little princess she never was, or felt she was– her mother died giving birth to her on Dragonstone, leaving two orphans to the care of a few loyal servants and to one day desiring in very different manners to avenge the death of the Father she never knew, the Mad King Aerys Targaryen. Now she was a khaleesi, the ascent coming in with three dragon’s eggs as a gift from the magister, the allegiance of the exiled Ser Jorah Mormont, the khal’s growing gentle love, a horse to mount at the head of the movable tribe whereas Viserys rode in the neck or midsection that it didn’t matter anymore, and the pulsating realization that she was Daenerys Stormborm, Princess of Dragonstone, of the blood and seed of Aegan the Conqueror, of the blood of the dragon.

Soon she was bearing within her Drogo’s heir, on which Viserys grew impatient as he had shown no regard for Dothraki customs and pace with things, and ventured upon insulting the khal for keeping his end of the bargain unfulfilled. In a feast to celebrate the khaleesi with child, the last dragon dared his sister’s husband before other khals to give him the crown he’d been promised. Bloodriders thereby brought their leader molten gold to pour onto half the head of the impertinent future king of Westeros. When the gold was half-melted and running, Drogo snagged a stew pot from the fire pit and crowned the upended thing on Viserys, who died painfully quick and proving something to his little sister once and all. He was no dragon. With a curious calm she pondered. Fire cannot kill a dragon.

Until his last breath, which was without a curl of smoke, she loved his brother. But his death made the fire raze all the quicker from her veins to her heart, and she found it in her to truly love her husband, to dream a future with him and their son, to raise her voice at the abuse of women and children in their tribe’s raids, to spite some of his bloodriders for their bias and injustice, which cost her husband his life, and to make hard decisions regarding supernatural solutions to save him, which then cost her the child. Just what the maesters (men who acted like medical practitioners in Westeros) ordered for a khaleesi– but she had become more than that.

First season, tenth episode. I remember the fire dying, wisps of smoke filling the desert air, and Daenerys Targaryen rising to her feet. Fire did not consume the last Targaryen. She consumed the fire. Naked and covered with soot, she seemed unhurt. Two dragons suckled at her breasts, while the third was draped across her shoulders. They were making music that had been unheard of in a hundred years. The music of dragons.

Because I have nothing original to say– so here’s E.B. White

I first encountered the essayist E.B. White when my sixteen-year-old self bought the Elements of Strunk (yeah, Strunk). Since then this dead, old man (he died 86 years old) has been my almost-acquaintance– “not the type I would be drinking buddies with,” as one of my officemates puts it. The foreword about him in that Strunk book said he worked for The New Yorker, and back then I had no idea how huge The New Yorker was. I thought it was some sort of Daily Bugle. But then, Butch Dalisay would quote him in one of his Penman articles ~a couple years later:

“The circus comes as close to being the world in a microcosm as anything I know; in a way, it puts all the rest of show business in the shade. Its magic is universal and complex. Out of its wild disorder comes order; from its rank smell rises the good aroma of courage and daring; out of its preliminary shabbiness comes the final splendor. And buried in the familiar boast of its advance agents lies the modesty of most of its people. For me the circus is at its best before it has been put together. It is at its best at certain moments when it comes to a point, as though a burning glass, in the activity and destiny of a single performer out of so many.

“Under the bright lights of the finished show, a performer need only reflect the electric candle power that is directed upon him; but in the dark and dirty old training rings and in the makeshift cages, whatever light is generated, whatever excitement, whatever beauty, must come from original sources – from internal fires of professional hunger and delight, from the exuberance and gravity of youth. It is the difference between planetary light and the combustion of stars.”

The Ring of Time

I think I would then read Charlotte’s Web after taking a short fiction class under Sir Dalisay. But aside from the constant thumbing of the Elements pages for the appropriate Strunkian rule– in school, at play, and then at work– I would have no other encounters with White. Until Maria Popova excessively quotes him in one of her brain pickings, which I would just mimic here:

The essayist is a self-liberated man, sustained by the childish belief that everything he thinks about, everything that happens to him, is of general interest. He is a fellow who thoroughly enjoys his work, just as people who take bird walks enjoy theirs. Each new excursion of the essayist, each new “attempt,” differs from the last and takes him into new country. This delights him. Only a person who is congenitally self-centered has the effrontery and the stamina to write essays.

Thanks, Maria Popova!

Thanks, Maria Popova!

I like the essay, have always liked it, and even as a child was at work, attempting to inflict my young thoughts and experiences on others by putting them on paper.

I am not fooled about the place of the essay in twentieth-century American letters — it stands a short distance down the line. The essayist, unlike the novelist, the poet, and the playwright, must be content in his self-imposed role of second-class citizen. A writer who has his sights trained on the Nobel Prize or other earthly triumphs had best write a novel, a poem, or a play, and leave the essayist to ramble about, content with living a free life and enjoying the satisfactions of a somewhat undisciplined existence.

I think I’m doomed to become an essayist. I better buy me and this E.B. White guy some drinks some time.

PS I was midway into crafting a 250-word intro for my Game of Thrones post when WordPress decided to de-automate AutoSave. I was aiming for coherence with that one.

I love love love being a girl

Do me a favor. Read this, and then watch the video that follows.

*****

I Am An Emotional Creature

by Eve Ensler

I love being a girl.

I can feel what you’re feeling

as you’re feeling it inside

the feeling

before.

I am an emotional creature.

Things do not come to me

as intellectual theories or hard-shaped ideas.

They pulse through my organs and legs

and burn up my ears.

I know when your girlfriend’s really pissed off

even though she appears to give you what

you want.

I know when a storm is coming.

I can feel the invisible stirrings in the air.

I can tell you he won’t call back.

It’s a vibe I share.

I am an emotional creature.

I love that I do not take things lightly.

Everything is intense to me.

The way I walk in the street.

The way my mother wakes me up.

The way I hear bad news.

The way it’s unbearable when I lose.

I am an emotional creature.

I am connected to everything and everyone.

I was born like that.

Don’t you dare say all negative that it’s a

teenage thing

or it’s only only because I’m a girl.

These feelings make me better.

They make me ready.

They make me present.

They make me strong.

I am an emotional creature.

There is a particular way of knowing.

It’s like the older women somehow forgot.

I rejoice that it’s still in my body.

I know when the coconut’s about to fall.

I know that we’ve pushed the earth too far.

I know my father isn’t coming back.

That no one’s prepared for the fire.

I know that lipstick means

more than show.

I know that boys feel super-insecure

and so-called terrorists are made, not born.

I know that one kiss can take

away all my decision-making ability

and sometimes, you know, it should.

This is not extreme.

It’s a girl thing.

What we would all be

if the big door inside us flew open.

Don’t tell me not to cry.

To calm it down

Not to be so extreme

To be reasonable.

I am an emotional creature.

It’s how the earth got made.

How the wind continues to pollinate.

You don’t tell the Atlantic ocean

to behave.

I am an emotional creature.

Why would you want to shut me down

or turn me off?

I am your remaining memory.

I am connecting you to your source.

Nothing’s been diluted.

Nothing’s leaked out.

I can take you back.

I love that I can feel the inside

of the feelings in you,

even if it stops my life

even if it hurts too much

or takes me off track

even if it breaks my heart.

It makes me responsible.

I am an emotional

I am an emotional, devotional,

incandotional, creature.

And I love, hear me,

love love love

being a girl.

Everybody’s Free to Wear Sunscreen, The Shadz Loresco Version 2012

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, writing would be it.

Everyone can write lists, make one: budget, bucket, grocery, names you need to forget (and then highlight them with a black Sharpie, hah!). Journal. Professor Google can point you to studies that can back up the benefits of this habit, whereas I can only dispense advice in the name of nostalgia and hindsight.

Eat, drink, and get married. In any case, stock up on antihistamines. All three can be allergy triggers.

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JM & Kim, December 2012

Travel to foreign places with familiar faces. Regardless of iMaps, you are never really lost beside a friend. Rent in the city– that is, hundreds of miles away from your parents’ house– with your little sister because it orients you with both the dynamics of independent and of collaborative living.

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With Ed, Len, Grace, and Ayesa in Puerto Princesa, Palawan, November 2012

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With Ayesa, Hazel, and Mia in Davao City, December 2012

Let go of unhealthy and open yourself up to new friendships. But keep the ones you’ve had when you were so much younger. Here’s to hoping you and those you lost are now better off without each other.

With Joey, JB, RJ, and Apple at the SEOP Christmas Party, December 2012

With office friends Joey, JB, RJ, and Apple at the company Christmas party, December 2012

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With college friends Ed, Len, Ayesa, Grace, Skee, and Joecyl, December 2012

Love in the time of eczema. When people cut you off in the airport queue or in highly competitive environments (read: work), keep calm and eat chocolates. Sarah Kay said they’re only few things chocolate can’t fix. When you find this to be true, message me on Facebook. Appreciate the advancement of others. Crab mentality is so 1900s. Cram, but only when you have more than 24 hours in your hand.

Visit museums. Better yet, volunteer to tour kids around them. This is a lesson in parenting, or at least in the art and science of running after gradeschoolers when you’re yearning to ogle Monet. Mundane or divine, it’s still one of the best feelings in the world, that is, hugging a child when you finally catch them.

Cry while watching musicals. Eat while zombies are ripping their victims limb from limb. Sometimes you have to balance hard and soft. I’m still figuring out the ratio though.

Do the living and learning in the moment, not at the end of the year when making resolutions becomes a poor excuse for missing a day out of the 365.

Read. Travel. Collect playlists. Don’t be scared to be 25, or that you have been or will be.

Wear sunscreen.

Swim.

And trust me on the writing.

“In my life, writing has been an important exercise to clarify what I believe, what I see, what I care about, what my deepest values are. The process of converting a jumble of thoughts into coherent sentences makes you ask tougher questions.”

~ Barack Obama, President of the United States, Time’s 2012 Person of the Year

*****
The mid-2012 version

The 2011 version.

Thanks to Baz Lurhmann and his song.